Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
