sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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