Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
