Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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