I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Of course I have a pirate flag
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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