no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
