do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
