woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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