lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
