Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...