you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
This is not my ceiling
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.