Your face is a jimmy john
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.