he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog