Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.