I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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