ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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