I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
