Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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