WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize