guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
