Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
