if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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