I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
