sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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