what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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