Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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