everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
