What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
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Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I'm really busy with my period
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