Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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