Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
should my penis look like a turkey
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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