There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i just had sex bonerless
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
