Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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