I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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