Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
