Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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