i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
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we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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