My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
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If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
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I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
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