I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
they need to just BURY HIM!
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
