I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
