we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
