So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Who died my cat blue again?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
