Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
