i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
