I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
