i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
