she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
