ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
