Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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