yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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