You're a womanizer and a bitch.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
