u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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