If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
