he wants to bone in the snuggie
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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