am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
