so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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