Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
