He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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