He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Sext me about skeletons
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
