I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How's work?
Spinning.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
